How to teach children effective relaxation techniques to use during exams or performance situations to reduce anxiety.
This guide offers practical, easy-to-leachable relaxation strategies that parents can teach children to use before tests, presentations, or performances, helping them manage nerves, sustain focus, and perform more calmly and confidently.
Anxiety before exams or performances often rises from a mix of anticipation, self-judgment, and physical tension. Teaching children simple, repeatable relaxation techniques provides a toolkit they can access independently when stress spikes. Start with deep breathing exercises that emphasize slow, even inhales through the nose and extended exhalations through the mouth. Pair breathing with a brief body scan—checking in with the shoulders, jaw, and belly—and notice where tension sits. These steps train the nervous system to switch from a fight-or-flight state to a calmer, more controlled mode. Make practice part of daily routine so children don’t need to summon it at the last minute.
In addition to breathing, introduce progressive muscle relaxation as a way to recognize and release muscle tension. Guide children through tensing a muscle group for a count of five, then releasing completely for ten. Begin with the hands and forearms, move to the shoulders and neck, then the jaw and cheeks, continuing down the torso and legs. This method teaches kids to identify which areas tighten during stress and how to deliberately soften them. Encourage them to name stress cues aloud, which helps reinforce awareness. When practiced regularly, progressive relaxation strengthens self-regulation, making it easier to stay present and reduce distractibility during exams or performances.
Build a personalized, easy-to-use relaxation routine.
A calm mind needs gentle cognitive strategies as well as physical ones. Teach children to reframe thoughts during moments of pressure: replace “I might fail” with “I will do my best, and learning happens regardless of outcome.” Introduce a short grounding exercise, such as naming five things they can see, four they can touch, three they can hear, two they can smell, and one they can taste. These sensory anchors pull attention away from catastrophic thinking and stabilize the nervous system. Normalize imperfections as part of growth, so kids feel safe trying, pausing, and restarting without shame. Regular practice makes the shift instinctive.
Visualization can complement breathing and grounding. Guide children to imagine a place where they feel safe and capable—perhaps a favorite classroom, park, or room at home. Have them picture themselves handling the upcoming challenge with competence: reading questions clearly, pacing their responses, and pausing where needed. Encourage vivid sensory details in the visualization: the texture of a chair, the sound of the room, the feel of air moving in and out of the lungs. Visualization reduces anxiety by pre-experiencing successful performance, which in turn can lower physiological arousal during the real event.
Encourage a routine that blends practice and real-life use.
When teaching these techniques, keep segments short and progressively realistic. Begin with 2–3 minutes of focused breathing, followed by a quick body scan, then a minute of grounding. Over time, extend sessions to 5–7 minutes, integrating muscle relaxation and a brief performance visualization. Children benefit from a predictable structure that they can remember and repeat, even when nerves spike. Use a calm, encouraging tone and model the routines yourself so kids see how it’s done. Ensure the environment is free of distractions during practice, which helps establish a reliable mental cue for relaxation when needed during exams or performances.
Create cues that trigger relaxation even in a crowded or noisy setting. For instance, a discreet finger touch to the ring finger can signal “pause and breathe.” A brief hum through pursed lips can cue slow exhalation. Visual cues, like pressing a small, smooth stone in a pocket, can prompt a reset. Encourage kids to choose cues that feel natural and unobtrusive. When a cue is linked to a physical practice, it becomes a fast, automatic reminder to use the technique. Over time, this cue-response loop reduces the cognitive load during stressful moments.
Promote resilience through steady, ongoing support.
It helps to schedule regular, short practice periods—ideally daily—so relaxation becomes a habit. Concurrently, invite children to apply techniques in lower-stakes situations, such as describing a drawing or solving a puzzle in a calm voice. This transfer demonstrates that relaxation is not just for tests but a general life skill. Track progress with gentle, nonjudgmental observations rather than scores. Celebrate small successes by noting how much longer they can concentrate or how much their voice steadies during a presentation. Positive reinforcement strengthens the connection between practice and performance.
Teach kids to adapt relaxation to different exam or performance contexts. A quiet library test might require more breathing and self-talk than a loud, crowded classroom presentation, which might benefit from the grounding exercise and visualization that emphasizes control. Help children identify which techniques feel most useful for them in various settings, and encourage flexible use. Encourage patience: mastery takes weeks or months, not days. When anxiety spikes, remind them that anxiety is a sign they care and that skills can help them ride through it with composure.
Practical integration into school life and routines.
Parents can model resilience by verbalizing their own calm strategies in age-appropriate ways. Acknowledge emotions without judgment and reflect on what helped in the moment. Sharing personal stories of staying focused during demanding tasks may reduce stigma around anxiety. Normalize the need to pause and breathe, and celebrate persistence. A supportive atmosphere at home fosters confidence, making kids more likely to reach for relaxation tools during tests or performances rather than freezing up. Consistency from caregivers reinforces that calming techniques are a reliable resource, not a last-resort remedy.
Encourage kids to keep a simple journal of their relaxation practice. They can note which techniques they used, what sensations they noticed, and how they felt during the exam or performance. This reflection helps refine their approach and creates a sense of ownership. Over time, patterns emerge: some techniques may calm quickly, others may require a longer warm-up. The journal also provides a nonjudgmental space to explore challenges, such as racing thoughts or time pressure, and to brainstorm adjustments with a caregiver or teacher.
Schools are often anxious environments, yet they can be excellent partners for teaching relaxation. Ask teachers to designate a quiet corner or a brief moment for students to employ breathing and grounding before assessments. Involve school counselors who can guide students through progressive muscle relaxation or visualization exercises during study periods or after exam days. When children experience a supportive, structured approach at school, they learn to carry those techniques into home and social settings as well. Collaboration between families and educators creates a consistent, reinforcing system that helps kids manage performance stress with more ease.
Finally, emphasize that effective relaxation is a lifelong skill. As children grow, their challenges become more complex, but the core tools remain valuable. Encourage curiosity about which techniques suit different tasks, and remind them that progress—no matter how small—is meaningful. Reinforce that learning to regulate emotions through breath, body awareness, and cognitive reframing builds confidence, resilience, and a more harmonious relationship with school, peers, and themselves. With patience, consistency, and supportive guidance, kids gain a durable toolkit for navigating exams and performances with calm and clarity.
